Gen Z Guide to FI

A sugar daddy does sound nice. I’m kidding *mostly*. This is more of a dear diary post. While driving the other day, I started thinking about what I’m most afraid of. I was listening to the Choose FI podcast featuring an ex convict that spent 10 years in prison but is now pursuing FI. I realized my biggest fear is being chained down.

Not chains in a literal sense although I don’t want to go to prison either lol. I am afraid of feeling trapped. I’ve felt trapped before…While growing up, I was counting down the days till I could leave home. I just felt suffocated in Nigeria.

I love my parents but half of my teenage resentment towards them was because I never felt like I could be myself at home. I was always putting on an act. Making myself silent at home because that was the easiest way out of confronting my loud and angry parents. I was a cowardly teenager: not openly rebellious but always plotting my escape slowly and calculatedly. Now, I’ve placed a greater emphasis on being around people I can be 100% myself with. I’m hoping therapy gets me to a point where I feel open to share my true self with my parents some day.

The second half of my resentment was being stuck in a loop. The loop was church-school-home over and over and over. Church was great. Learning about a higher power (Big J & God) has really guided my path to where I am today. Family was the same. School gave me the most freedom but I still felt that the world was too condensed. My bubble was small and EVERYONE had opinions on what type of person I should be. I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to boxed in any categories. I just wanted to be me (sounds dramatic but you know what I mean). 

I never want to go back to the loop. Hence, the intense pursuit of my movie making dreams and financial freedom makes sense.  I also want to live all over the world.

Back to this post’s title, “I am my own husband”. This is an ode to my future self. I am reaching the age where my friends are planning their futures with romantic partners (getting married & having kids). The age when my relatives start inserting conversations about marriage into my life. That sounds like another form of entrapment to me. 

Through numerous therapy sessions, I have learned that I do want to have a romantic partner that I can rely on. I denied it for years as part of my hyper reliance on myself. But I don’t know if I believe in marriage for myself. I don’t even believe in phone contracts. How can I willingly chain myself to someone else?

My friend recently called me to talk about her boyfriend and she spent a chunk of the conversation telling me about their fights. But also, she advised that I should believe in love and date. She also implied that I might be too picky. The truth is that I’m not looking for love at the moment. I’m definitely not using men for my boredom anymore per my Romance & Money post. I don’t feel the need to make romance the subject of my conversations. I just want to talk about my dreams and goals but it seems like most conversations I have these days with my friends in relationships ends up right at dating men. It makes sense because it shows me that we are at different stages in our life path. To me, it feels like there is a hidden message in our conversations: “I can’t be complete until I fill the man shaped missing piece of my life.” I already feel complete though so I’m not sure what the hype is. I don’t want to spend life complaining about men. It sounds like another never ending loop complain- do nothing – complain – accept that is what life is – complain.

This is not meant to be a jab at my friends. As long as their romantic relationships are fulfilling,I’m happy for them. However, complaining about your relationship and then telling me that I should be in one is counterintuitive. I’m not a point in my life where I’m interested in dating. I’m interested in my dreams and maybe God will throw in someone who is sexy and supportive into the mix. If or when that time comes, I hope I can be in the right state of mind to let that person in.  

In the mean time, I don’t feel a need for someone else to complete me. To future me & all the single FIRE babies, you are doing great! Don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t. It is ok to want a relationship but it is definitely ok not to want one either.