Gen Z Guide to FI

I’ve spent the first 6 months of therapy trying to prove to my therapist that I’m ok and wanting her to validate that I’m not a sociopath. That isn’t the point of therapy is it?

Step 1 of many steps towards feeling like I’m in control of my life is setting boundaries with my parents. I told my Nigerian mother that I’m in therapy for depression & anxiety. She sent me a message that she loved me and seemed overall supportive of it. At the root cause of my mental health issues has been my dysfunctional relationship with my parents. Or at least my inability to be honest about it.

I was honest for the first time in therapy and the tears followed.

I know they did their best and I’m mostly grateful. But nevertheless, many things I experienced growing up were traumatic. I feel weird describing my experiences as traumatic because that level of trauma is normal life for many Nigerians. So I feel like I’m exaggerating (gaslighting myself) even though I know my feelings are valid.

I’ve been obsessed with being in control of my life for several years now. My parents were/are very controlling and strict. As a teenager, I wanted to run away but I was never brave enough to act out because I knew I’d get beat. I moved away from home at 16 and I never actually dealt with my feelings. So, I still just run away when I face difficult relationships now. I’m holding on to so much repressed anger and I need to let it go.

Anyway, it means I’ve spent the majority of my life being resentful and equating my parents to a negative force in my life. I’m tired y’all. My parents are also people. I’m tired of giving this unhealthy dynamic so much of my mental energy.

I decided to start setting some boundaries. The first one is in regards to last minute unplanned and expensive visits. My parents legit spent so much money on a visit to CA. The weird thing is that I wasn’t available for most of the trip. But, they assumed that I’d just be at home all day to entertain their every need.

I was like hell no y’all. I love you guys but you didn’t give me enough notice that you were visiting. This is a very busy year for me. What makes it weirder is that I am visiting Nigeria 2 weeks after their visit. So to me, this visit other than being a loving visit felt like a power play. 

Like a “your plans & lives don’t matter” play.

Like a “you are my servants and you have to be available for my every whim” play.

Anyway, I put a lot of boundaries in place with my parents this time. Whether they respect it or not is for another episode on GZFB.

But until then, xoxo Gen Z Fire Baby.