Gen Z Guide to FI

But hoping for the best.

This is more of a sad girl post, but I’ve had this deep, nagging feeling that I’m growing apart from some of my friends. It’s something I have feared for a while, but no amount of preparation can make you ready to face it. A part of me knows and thinks it’s all in my head. Another part of me knows it’s true.

I have been living alone for over a year at this point, and I never really felt lonely until a few weeks ago. I’ve been so busy figuring out my next moves in life. Now that my application season is winding down and I’m starting to have more free time, I actually feel lonely.

Growing apart starts off in small ways. First, you no longer make time to see each other. Then, you find reasons to flake on things you’ve agreed to. Then, in 10 years, you wonder how that relationship ended. I felt like that over my high school friends from 8 years ago. I feel like that again. Nothing is wrong with moving in different directions, but the feeling HURTS.

I know it’s all about making an effort and trying, but it must be a two-way street. I guess my ego stands in the way a bit, as well. I’ve tried to become a more spontaneous and cool gurl, but I’m pretty rigid about certain things. If I feel like someone isn’t matching my energy or understanding my POV, I retreat into my figurative shell and become reclusive.

As I think about it, maybe that is a transactional way of thinking. I would like to change my mindset and be more chill and casual. However, I still have some reasonable boundaries. I don’t like flakiness or when people make plans and cancel last minute. I see it as disrespectful of my time. I see it as my friendship isn’t valuable enough. I hate feeling like that.

I know everyone has lives, but I would still like some level of intention with my friendships. I want us to make concrete plans and follow through. But consistent canceling and wishy-washy plans, I don’t want to deal with anymore. I’m also not a saint here. I know I’m guilty of many things, so part of the growing apart is on me.

I guess I’m in my feelings today, but I just don’t feel like I’m a priority in anyone’s life. It’s a shitty feeling. I know I’m wrong, and my parents, siblings, and friends see me as a priority, but I guess I’ve been feeling that way for a few weeks/months. Unfortunately, I also haven’t had therapy in a while so maybe once I get back on that, I can really deep dive into why I’m feeling this way. But until then, I thought I’d at least share the feeling with you all. I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling.

On a hopeful note, this feels momentary, and I want to acknowledge the hurt so I can make amends. I already feel better just acknowledging that the feeling is real.

Thank you for reading.

XOXO GZFB